I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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