Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
