Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm both gender and math confused
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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