i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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