he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You ruined the universe
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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