sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
