i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
