I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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