I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
How's work?
Spinning.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
