remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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