No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
