Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
