I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Randomize
