shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
