she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
