My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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