Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
