This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
