It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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