Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
