I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
