btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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