It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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