careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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