with your own penis?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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