she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
