It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
