so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
