some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
