TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
