ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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