she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
