If that was your dad, he is hot
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you had me at cake vodka
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
