No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize