I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
