they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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