is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
