Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
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i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
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Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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