And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
