elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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