i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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