And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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