I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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