I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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