My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
