He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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