Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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