U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Come see our sink grown plant.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
