I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
