i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
