if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So apparently I’m into choking now
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
