I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
