Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
