Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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