Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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