Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
