CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
