May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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