i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Randomize
