I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I puked a lego.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
