The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
