Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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