i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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