I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
