Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
