highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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