glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
you never un-have a 4some
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
