i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
