Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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