Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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