and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am naked and annoyed.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
