the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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